What's With Wayne?
by ChubbyBuddy
Summary: Batman's acting oddly, has a demon affected his brain? How will Robin react to Batman's weird behavior? This story takes place waaaay after the show. The titans are suppose to be almost out of their teenage years.
1. RING! RING!

RING! RING!

Robin rolled over. His phone was ringing, his cell phone. Who knew his cell phone number?

"Bruce, it's gotta be him," Robin thought.

He flipped over to grab his cell phone and tumbled out of bed. As he fell his hand knocked his phone, flinging it through the air, right into a pile of files.

Diving after his phone, Robin stumbled over his boots on the floor and crashed himself head first into his desk. "Son of a . . . " His voice cut off as he tripped over a stack of CDs.

"This had better be important," Robin muttered after diving into his files and emerging with his phone.

"Hello!" Robin growled into the phone.

There was no reply. He looked at the display. The words "One Missed Call(s)" burned into Robin's eyes. He threw the phone in disbelief, which then hit the wall and started ringing.

"What in Gotham is going on?" pondered the confused, tired Robin.

He grabbed his phone, answering it quickly, "Hello."

A man's voice came through, "Hello! Is Donald Trump available?"

"WHAT!"

"I asked if Donald Trump was available," the caller said calmly.

"I don't know!" Robin screamed, "Call his office and find out!"

"Oh," the man on the other end paused, "Did I call the wrong number?"

"YES! Yes, you did!" Robin raged.

"Robin, calm down, it was just a little joke."

The teenage super hero recognized the voice, but who was it? Who else could it be? "BRUCE! What? Why did you hang up last time? Why are you calling me?" Robin shouted, his anger increasing at the realization of the caller.

"I didn't hang up," Bruce said laughing, "The call was sent to voice mail and I didn't feel like leaving a message. To answer your other question, assuming you want an answer, I need to talk to you, as soon as possible. I'd prefer to talk to you at home so I was calling to ask you to come visit me."

"What if I don't want to go home?" Robin replied, still aggravated.

"Then you'll never know why I called you at four in the morning."

Robin let out a loud curse.

"My apologizes, Robin, did I call at a bad time?"

"Of course not!" the teen said sarcastically. "Why in the world would I be busy at four in the morning? I guess some people might be, oh I don't know, SLEEPING!"

Bruce chuckled, replying facetiously, "I didn't think you'd be asleep yet. Sorry"

"Do you enjoy waking people up? I know you're up in the night, but not everyone's like you!"

Still laughing, the owner of Wayne Enterprises asked, "Do you really think someone would call Donald Trump at four a.m.?"

"Maybe, I don't know! Your changing the subject! I'm NOT coming home no matter WHAT YOU SAY!"

"Dick, did you know that you are exceedingly incoherent this early in the morning? If you don't want to come home, don't."

"Fine. I won't!" Robin said defiantly. "Good-bye!"

"See you later, Robin!" Bruce said as he hung up cheerily.


	2. KNOCK! KNOCK!

KNOCK! KNOCK!

"Friend Robin? Are you all right?"

"Yeah, dude I heard you clear back in my room!"

"Man! Some people like to sleep! Just because you're obsessed with . . . aw, man. I'm going back to bed. What a . . . screaming . . ."

"Robin? Are you all right? I was meditating on the roof when I heard you scream."

Robin tore open the door, "I'M FINE!"

The three titans standing by his room stepped back. Robin's yelling always had a unique way of making them feel inferior.

"Why does something have to be wrong just because you hear screaming from my room at four in the morning?"

With a "Sorry for bothering you," the titans quickly dissipated through the tower.

Why did Bruce call? The Dark Knight never did anything without a reason, so he had to have one. Bruce said he wanted to tell Robin something, but what wouldn't Bruce say on the phone? The jokes, they were unusual also, Wayne rarely, if ever, joked like that. Was Bruce in trouble? He had to be . . . however, he couldn't be, for he was using Dick and Robin interchangeably, so it's not likely that Wayne was worried about being over heard. Was Bruce trying to send him a message?

* * *

Thirteen hours had passed since Robin had begun analyzing his guardian's call. He had gone over everything, including cross referencing the highlights of the latest news with the words and sentences that Bruce had emphasized the most. That was it, Robin had to go to Wayne Manor in order to find out what was going on.

Robin dressed quickly. He raced down the stairs, through the kitchen, only stopping once he realized he was no longer moving.

"Raven! Put me down! I don't have time for this!" he yelled.

"Friend Robin!" Robin cringed as Starfire's voice cut through the air, "It is raining! You should wear these." She said as she held up a bottle of sun screen and a garbage bag.

"What?" Robin said confused, still hanging in the air.

"I saw it on tv! To protect one from the harsh environment a person should always wear a plastic garment to keep the water off and sun block to save their skin."

Robin turned to Raven, "This is what you stopped me for?"

"No. I wanted to make sure you were alright after this morning. Starfire just butted in before I could say anything." The purple haired titan stared intensely at Robin, looking for signs of what might have occurred earlier that day.

"Rob, where you running off to?" Cyborg said as he entered the room, "And what's Star doing with BB's bed liner and your hair gel?"

As concerned for Batman as Robin was, he couldn't help but laugh at Cyborg. "Beast Boy has a bed liner?"

Cyborg chuckled, "No. But he use to . . . Uh-oh, I wasn't suppose to tell you guys that."

"Robin, what is a bed liner, and why does Beast Boy wish to keep his owning one a secret?"

Was Star totally clueless? How could he answer this uninformed young alien? Wait! "BATMAN!" he called out, concern spreading over his face.

Starfire was confused, "Who is this man bat? And what does this have to do with the lining of Beast Boy's bed?"

"I don't have time for this!" Robin shouted.

How could he have forgotten Wayne? Wayne was all the family he had left. Wayne could be in trouble, while Robin was sitting here, joking about BB's bed liner! His da . . . guardian wanted to talk to him, it had to be important and the Boy Wonder had already wasted most of the day!

Robin broke free of Raven's power and tore out of the tower, heading straight for Gotham.

"Is Robin not feeling well?" Star inquired.

Cyborg and Raven sighed. The mechanical teen headed straight for the game station, while Raven went to the stove to make some tea.

Star was still confused, "Will no one answer me? Do you not wonder who this man-bat is? Is he a new villain perhaps?"

Cyborg stopped, facing Star he said, "What's to know? Batman's a hero, you know, like us, only Batman's from Gotham City."

"Oh. Is he a friend of Robin's?"

"I dunno. Rob's probably never even met him. You know Robin; he was probably just thinking about some news report he read." replied the bored Cyborg.

"Are you certain? Robin looked very concerned." the girl of one thousand questions asked.

Did Star just say something intelligent? The alien girl now had Raven's attention.

Cyborg answered offhandedly, "If he read an article about Batman, then he probably just heard about some new villain. Robin's just a worry wort, nothing to it."

"Cyborg, Starfire has a point. Robin did appear concerned. It looked like more than just a potential new enemy."

Cyborg sat down at the tv and turned on the game station.


	3. DING DONG!

DING-DONG!

Bruce Wane looked up from his newspaper. "Who could that be?" he murmured to himself.

Bruce got up and walked through the house toward the door, arriving at the same time as Alfred.

"Oh! Hello Alfred, I thought you had the night off."

"I do, Master Bruce, but I decided to stay here because of the storm."

"Is it really that bad?" Bruce asked as thunder shook the house. "Hm . . . maybe it is."

DING-DONG!

"Oh, I almost forgot," Alfred said turning to the door.

The elderly butler opened the door, revealing a dark figure. The two men stared at the figure. Lightning flashed!

"Dick," Bruce and Alfred cried out in unison.

"Come in!" Bruce exclaimed. "Why didn't you come right in? You don't have to ring the bell."

Dick entered, hair drooping from the water and clothes completely drenched. Staring at Bruce he replied, "I would have, but the door was locked."

"Did you lose your key?" Bruce asked.

"No. My key doesn't work any more."

"Master Bruce, did you rekey the house two years ago?" Alfred queried, as he shut the door.

"You're right, Alfred. I had completely forgotten about it. Didn't we send him a key?"

"I believe, Master Bruce, that you told Master Dick to come pick it up, because you didn't want to mail it."

"Oh! So it's my fault, I don't have a key? That makes me feel much better." Dick muttered.

Bruce smiled. "It really doesn't matter. I'll give you a key when you leave." He paused for a minute, "Where is your costume, and where did you get those clothes? They look a little small."

"I changed at the half way point, you know the one you set up so that I could change before coming home, and my clothes are too small because I haven't worn normal ones since the last time I visited you."

"Ah, the point . . . I forgot about that. I don't know if you realized this, but you could have not changed and come up from the Bat-cave."

Dick shook his head, exasperated at himself for not thinking of it.

Bruce realized that Dick's clothes were creating a puddle on the floor. "You probably want to change, don't you? You've grown so much since the last time you were here that none of your clothes will fit. Mine are still going to be too big for you, but they'll have to do."

Bruce escorted Dick to the spare room. Dick's eyes widened. Did Bruce get rid of his room?

"After you had been gone for about a year without us hearing from you, we decided that you probably weren't coming back." Bruce said still smiling.

"But . . . huh? . . . Whe . . . whe . . . where's my stuff?" Dick stammered.

Bruce cackled, "You didn't think I was serious, did you? Your stuff is in your old room where you left it, clothes on the floor, bed unmade, shorts on the tv . . . "

Dick was dumbfounded. How could Bruce do that to him? Dick called occasionally, he made sure Bruce knew he was all right. In fact, Dick had called him . . . when was that . . . it was in December. "Bruce, I called you in December, what do you mean you didn't hear from me for a year?"

"That's true, you did call in December, and it's February, so it wasn't a year ago."

"See!" Dick interrupted.

"It was more than a year."

"WHAT!"

"Dick, it wasn't two months ago you called me, it was fourteen."

Dick's face went blank, "Has that much time really passed?"

Changing the subject and offering an explanation of why they were at the spare bedroom, Bruce said, "We're remodeling my room so I've been staying in here." He opened a door, revealing a crammed closet. "Pick what you want, all of it will be baggy but it will have to do."

"If you're just remodeling your room, why do you have all of your clothes in here?" Robin asked.

"I'm remodeling the bathroom and closet. They're quite small."

"With all those clothes it'd be a miracle if a store house held them!"

"Very funny Dick. Some of these clothes are really old."

"Whoa! Hold it, Bruce, your bathroom is HUGE! Why in the world would you need it to be bigger?" Robin asked in bewilderment.

"Choose some clothes and meet me in the kitchen. Alfred should have dinner pretty soon."

Bruce left, leaving Dick to change. He picked through the clothes, trying to find anything but a custom-made suit.

"Crud! Doesn't Wayne ever wear normal clothes?" Boy Wonder thought.

Dick pulled of his clothes, exchanging his too small clothes for too large one. He looked in a full length mirror. The teen looked like a little boy playing dress up in his dad's closet. The shirt dwarfed him, the sleeves hanging down to his finger tips. Dick rolled up the sleeves, making his now showing wrists look like twigs. Robin scanned his image in the mirror again, finding that the pants went down over his feet. He bent over, rolled them up, and stood up again. When he stood up, the pants fell. Dick braved the closet again, emerging a few years later with a belt to hold up his pants.

"Bruce," Dick called out, descending down the stairs, "have you ever thought that you're slightly too big?" Dick entered the kitchen, holding his arms out to show how big the clothes were.

"Have you ever thought that you're slightly too small?" Bruce teased. "You look like a clown."

Dick glared.

"Have some dinner." Bruce said, pointing to a plate piled with food, which was resting on the counter that Bruce was sitting on.

"Where's Alfred?"

"There was a break in the storm, so he went to get you some clothes that fit." the handsome man responded. "By the way, Dick, I've been meaning to ask you: What did you come home for? After this morning I never thought you'd show up."

"You said you wanted to talk to me. I figured it must be quite important for you to call me at four a.m., so I came as soon as I could." Dick knew this last part was a lie, but he didn't want to admit how worried he was. Dick sat up to the counter on a barstool and began eating.

"Well it isn't that important. I'm sorry if I worried you."

Robin was confused, if it wasn't that important why did he call? "I'm here now. What was it that you wanted to say to me?"

Bruce tried to tell Robin. Even though he opened his mouth, Bruce could not get the words out. He hadn't expected Robin to come, leaving him unrepaired to break the news.

The eyes of Bruce wandered around the room, looking for something to say. Resting his eyes on Dick's plate, he finally spoke, "I had the most delicious steak dinner last night."

Dick looked up at him appalled, "Is that all? You called me at four in the morning, had me come all the way out here, just to tell me you had a good meal!"

Bruce chuckled, "No . . . There is something else. I don't know how to say . . . I'm . . ." Bruce couldn't say it. He sat silently for a long time, sobered up, and began, "Do you remember Barbara Gordon?"

Dick wondered if something had happened to her, his stomach began twisting with worry. "Batgirl? Of course I remember her. How is she?" He inquired, hoping for the best.

"Oh she's fine. Better than fine actually," he took another pause, "Dick, something happened. I wanted to tell you in person, before the press found out."

Dick quit eating and stared at Bruce. Was Wayne pulling another prank on him?

Bruce, seeing worry on his young companion's face, went on, "It's nothing bad–in my opinion." It's now or never Bruce thought, "Barbara and I are getting married."

Dick dropped his fork, diverting his full attention to staring at Bruce. Was this another joke? Of course it was, this man was widely known for his bachelorhood. Dick started laughing, "All right Bruce! Come on and stop kidding around. I can't believe you thought that I'd buy that. What's really going on?"

Bruce looked the young man in the eye, "I'm not joking Dick, I'm getting married."

"What?" Robin said still in disbelief. "To whom? You aren't really marrying the commissioner's daughter, are you?"


	4. BEEP! BEEP!

BEEP! BEEP!

"You're WHAT?" Dick screamed.

"Your communicator's beeping."

"I DON'T CARE! HOW COULD YOU? SHE'S MY AGE!"

Bruce had braced himself for this part of the conversation. "Actually, she's already 18, making her about half a year older than you. Besides, why does it matter to you? Wait, you don't like her do you? I thought you had a girlfriend, Starflower or something."

Dick gaped, "You think I'm dating Starfire!" he stopped, "ARG! I'm not letting you change the subject! Why are you marrying Barbara? Does her father know yet? Isn't he outraged?"

"She's telling her father tonight. He might be outraged if he knew that I was Batman, but he doesn't. Barbara and I have been dating for a while, Dick. In fact, the last time I heard from you, 14 months ago. I was getting ready to go to dinner with her. I told you, remember?"

"Yes! But I didn't think it was a DATE!"

BEEP! BEEP!

Robin pulled out his communicator, remembering to point it away from his face at the last minute.

"WHAT!"

"Robin, what is a bed liner? You have not told me yet!"

"Starfire! I'm busy. Go Away!" Robin shut off his communicator and turned back to argue with Bruce.

* * *

Star began crying. Why was Robin being so vicious?

"Starfire," Raven said softly, "are you all right? Why are you crying?" Raven hated doing this, but somebody had to, and Robin didn't appear to be around.

"Why does Robin scream at me? Did I do something to make him angry with me?"

"What did he say?"

"He told me to go away. Does he wish for me to leave your planet?" at these words she started bawling. "How . . . sniff far . . . sob . . . should I go?"

Raven inwardly groaned, wishing that Robin was the person doing this, "I'm sure he didn't mean for you to actually go away. You know how Robin gets when he's busy. Robin was probably in the middle of something so he was really stressed." Raven's thoughts, however, were quite different. Of course Robin didn't really want her to go away. He loved Star because she was pretty. She may be ignorant, but at least she had a nice face to look at. "In fact," Raven said to Star, "I'll go talk to him right now if it will make you feel better. Where is he?"

"Would you really?" the green-eyed girl asked, her face lighting up, "I do not know where he is. I could not find him in the tower, so I called him on his communicator."

No wonder he yelled at her, Raven thought, if he's not here, he's usually doing something. Would she ever learn? "Oh," Raven let out, "Hasn't he come back since he left earlier, you know, when we were in the kitchen?"

Raven watched as Starfire's face contorted with pain, or was it thought? " I do not think that friend Robin has returned."

"Did Robin tell you where he was going?" Raven asked, knowing that if anyone knew it would most likely be Starfire.

"No. But when I called him, he did not appear to be wearing his mask."

"What color were, er . . . he wasn't wearing his mask? That's not like him."

"What color was what?"

"Uh," Raven turned away and mumbled, "I asked what color his eyes were."

"They were, hm . . . blue . . . or was it green?"

"Don't you know your colors?"

"I know my colors. I didn't get a good look at his eyes. He turned the communicator away, revealing what looked like a large kitchen."

Raven mentally slapped her forehead, if only it had been Cyborg or Best Boy who would have called. Maybe then they'd know something. The purple haired girl turned and left, leaving Star to mope alone.

Who would know where Robin was if Star didn't? "Cyborg, Beast Boy, where's Robin?"

"Don't . . . know . . ." Cyborg grunted, trying to keep his mind on the video game.

"Check . . . with . . . Star . . ." BB squeezed out after a few minutes.

How did these things happen, Raven wondered? Their leader walked off and no one had any clue as to where he when. How completely intelligent of them.

Bloop bloop bloooo!

"Booya! I won! In your face you little animal!"

"No fair! You cheated!"

"Pizza!" Raven called out.

"Where?" BB and Cyborg began scouring the room.

"I lied."

"What? How could you?" Cyborg moaned. "Oh the meaty meatballs!"

"Where is Robin?"

"We dunno!" BB said still moping about the nonexistent pizza.

"Just checking. Nothing you two say can be trusted when you're playing the game station." Raven turned to leave. BB and Cyborg stuck their tongues out at her back. "Goodnight boys."

"Er, good night Rae." Came Cyborg's reply.

"Sweet dreams dark . . . maiden?" BB released hesitantly.

* * *

"RAVEN!"

Raven moaned. Star was calling her. Star was so aggravating at this time of day.

"RAVEN!" Star shrieked again.

Raven rolled over and looked at the clock. 6:00 A.M. She yawned, it was an hour later then she usually got up, but about normal for Star. She stood up, stretched, then walked into her bathroom to shower, all the time ignoring Starfire, who was calling her name.

Raven showered peacefully, dressed, then descended down the stairs to get breakfast.

"RAVEN!" Star yelled loudly walking into and out of the kitchen, past Raven, searching for her.

Cyborg rose from the couch like a zombie rising from his grave, followed a moment later by the boy called Beast. Beast boy reached for the sky pulling his joints, crunched from sleeping on the couch, back into alignment, his mouth in a yawn opening so wide it made Raven wonder if she could see into his stomach. Cyborg followed suit, transforming from the hunchback of Notre Dame to a bleary-eyed Cyborg.

"Gra war yaw da waa?" BB yawned.

"Dude!" Cyborg yawned too. "That's what I wanna know." He was slightly more coherent than Beast Boy.

Raven sat silently eating her breakfast of tea and toast.

"Rae? You gonna answer us?" the mechanical couch potato asked.

"I don't even know what you said."

"I asked why Star yell so loud."

"RAVEN" Star's voice echoed through the tower, digging into Raven's head like nails on a chalkboard.

BB groaned and fell over on the couch while Cyborg covered his ears and assumed the fetal position.

"How late were you two up?" Raven asked, staring at the heavy circles under their eyes.

"Uh . . . last time I checked the clock it was like 3:30." BB groaned from the couch.

Starfire entered the room. Her hair was tangled and ratted, and her "earthly" pajamas were disarrayed. "RAVEN!"

"Yes, Star?" Raven said softly, suppressing her irritation.

"Friend Robin has not yet returned!" Star exclaimed clearly upset by his absence.

"Are you sure? He probably came in late while you were asleep." Raven wondered if Star even knew what she was talking about.

"I have waited for him all night and he has not returned."

"Have you tried his communicator again?" Raven queried.

"No." Star said as a look of pain, er wait, that was thought, spread across her face. "I did not think of it."

Star whipped out her communicator and called Robin.

Robin's voice came over the communicator, "What!" He was still up from the previous night arguing with Bruce, and he didn't really feel like talking to his teammates at the moment.

"Robin, you did not return home last night and we were concerned about you." She beamed through the communicator.

"Would you leave me alone? I'm trying to stop a wedding!" and with that he shut off the communicator.

At Robin's words, Stars heart was squashed and she began wailing loudly. Cyborg and Raven watched as the aliens eyes poured out her liquidated heart. Beast Boy sat up to watch the display right in time to watch Star blow her nose on her hands.

"Yucky!" Beast Boy yelled.

Cyborg nodded in agreement, "Nasty!"

Raven nodded, but for some reason felt bad for the ignorant young girl. Her conscience began to gnaw on her mind. How could she sit and watch this poor wretch suffer so?

"Why would someone force my boy to marry?"

Raven's pity was gone, replaced with anger. Her boy? No! It was not her boy, and from Robin's tone it didn't sound like he was stopping his own wedding.

"I don't believe that Robin was saying he was getting married." Raven rolled her eyes exasperated, but her statement was drowned out by a wail from star.

Raven couldn't take it anymore, "I'm calling Robin."


	5. THUD! BANG!

THUD! BANG!

Bruce was horrified, "Stop that Dick! You need all the brain cells you can get and bashing your head won't help."

Dick rubbed his head and hands. Bruce's granite counters hurt a lot. He'd have to remember the next time he got irritated to not slam his fists, followed by his head, into the counter. "You seriously still plan on marrying a 18-year-old? Doesn't that make you feel like your robbing the cradle?"

Bruce glared at Dick. "No, it doesn't. I'm not that much older than her. Sixteen years isn't that much these days."

"You're only 16 years older than me! No way! They wouldn't let a 16-year-old adopt a kid."

"I wasn't 16 at the time, you were 12, which made me 28. Now you are almost 18 and I'm 34."

"My age! She's my age! I'm like your son and you are marrying a girl MY age!"

"Dick, you are over reacting. I wanted to tell you so that you could celebrate with me, not so you could give your approval or disapproval as the case may be."

"So you mean–" BEEP! BEEP! "Arg!" he pulled out his communicator, thought about pointing at Bruce, and pointed it at the stove, "WHAT! Why do you keep bothering me?" he roared. "How many times do I have to tell you to leave me alone before you get the picture!"

"Don't you dare yell at me."

"Raven?" he asked, softening his tone at the sound of her voice.

"Cyborg, Beast Boy and I have decided that you owe Starfire and apology."

"For what?"

"She has been sitting here crying ever since you told her to leave you alone, and honestly we're quite annoy . . . er, ashamed of your behavior."

His mouth dropped, Raven was treating him like a child. " I'm sorry you have to hear it, but I told all of you yesterday that I was busy. Besides that, she called to ask about BB's bed liner!"

Beast Boy grabbed the communicator from Raven, "What are you talking about? What bed liner?"

Raven thumped Beast Boy on the head, and Cyborg took the communicator. "Yeah, I never got to tell you that I was just messing about the whole bed liner thing."

"I don't CARE!" Robin yelled, his voice and anger rising with the disappearance of Raven's voice. The absence of her emotionless voice released his control allowing him to rage on. A wail of Stars came through making Robin and Bruce cringe.

"Apologize, NOW! Make sure to include that you do not hate her and do not want her to leave," Raven's monotone voice showed that she, once again, was the one who wielded the communicator.

"But–"

"NOW."

Raven placed the communicator in front of Star and flicked her nose to get her attention. "Robin has something to say to you."

Star focused intently on her connection to Robin, who forced out the words, "I don't hate you, and I don't want you to leave the team."

Starfire squealed with glee, Robin's love for her was restored in her own mind.

"Robin, that apology sounded so deep, and heartfelt."

Raven's words made Robin smile, but he quickly hid it at a chuckle from Bruce. "Uh, I gotta go Raven, talk to you later."

Raven shut off the communicator and faced the other titans. "Where do you think Robin is?" She was determined to find out whatever secret Robin had that he thought he could keep from them.

BB burst like a balloon, "It looked like he was in the coolest kitchen ever! It had a model . . ." rambling on as Cyborg joined. "Hot of the shelf technology . . . tv above the stove was barely noticeable. The electronics . . ." They joined together for a moment, ". . . they've gotta be soooo rich." After their one unison moment they again split babbling on about the little corner they saw.

* * *

Bruce fell off the counter laughing as Dick shut off his communicator.

"What's so funny?" Dick glared.

"I may be getting married but you act like you're married." Bruce then entered another fit of laughter.

Dick turned red, "What do you mean by that?"

"Isn't the leader suppose to give the commands? You don't even listen to me when I ask you to shower, but she tells you to apologize and you hop to."

Dick gave bright red a new meaning, his face nearly bursting with embarrassment. "It . . . um . . . wasn't because she said to it was because–"

"Because why?"

"Er . . . I felt bad for . . ." Dick shut his mouth.

"Are you going to tell me?"

"Shouldn't Alfred be back by now? He's been gone since last night."

"Want to change the subject? Oh well, I'll let you because I'd hate to see you burst with embarrassment. Onto your subject, Alfred got back a long time ago. He arrived during your first attempt to scream me into canceling my wedding. I was going to tell you he brought your clothes in but you just looked so funny in mine."

"Oh . . ."

There was along silence.

"Master Bruce, Master Dick, would you like some breakfast?"

"No thanks, I've got to go to work. Dick, get some sleep before I get home. If you're going to try and convince me of something you should probably be at your best."

Dick yawned, "Fine, I guess we'll have to finish our conversation when you get home."

"Conversation? I guess you could call it that . . ." Bruce remarked as he left.

* * *

"So how did he take it?"

"Honestly Barbara, I don't think it could have been worse. He was screaming all night, purely on the subject of our age difference, and he wants to continue our "conversation" when I get home."

Bruce allowed his eyes to wander around his office, he desperately wanted to go to sleep, but he knew his schedule wouldn't allow it.

"Bruce, it couldn't have been that bad."

He smiled, "You'd be surprised. When was the last time you hear him scream? Three years ago, maybe more? It's not as high pitched but it's much louder."

Barbara giggled, "You old bat! He couldn't have been that upset."

"You don't believe me? Sneak into my house tonight and see, or hear, for yourself. Hey, with how loud he is, you might not even have to come into the house to hear it!"

"Okay, okay. Well I guess I'll see you tonight then. Bye!" She kissed Bruce on the cheek and left him to his work.


	6. WHACK! CRASH!

WHACK! CRASH!

Barbara froze in the hallway. She didn't like the noises coming from the kitchen. Was Dick really mad enough to be breaking things?

"Dick, calm down. I mean what did that glass ever do you?" Bruce's voice drifted out of the kitchen. Barbara let out a sigh of relief; Bruce wasn't having to defend himself from Dick.

"She's so much younger than you! She's my age!"

"If that's all you've got to argue with, you haven't got anything."

"But-"

"What about this bothers you so much? Don't you think I'm old enough to make my own decisions and move on in life?"

"ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME?"

"Perhaps. Do you think I am?"

"Arg! Would you stop playing and talk to me like I'm an adult?"

"If I do, will you act like one?"

Barbara sat there and listened to the silence, she couldn't believe that Bruce had been right, he was being so childish.

"BUT SHE'S MY AGE!"

"Would you stop with that?" Barbara winced. Bruce was getting angry. This couldn't end well.

"NO!"

"Do you have any problems with the marriage besides our age difference?"

"No, yes, no, er! You are way too old for her!"

"See Barbara. He's impossible!"

Barbara entered, "You do have a point, and all along we thought my father would be the problem. When I told him, he was ready to drive me to the church."

Dick flushed seeing her, he couldn't believe Bruce had let her eavesdrop. After all, it was a private conversation. Bruce had known the whole time, no wonder he had kept so calm. He was trying to make Dick look bad. Dick was sure of it.

Barbara saw Dick's bright red face, taking it for anger she hurriedly said, "I'd love to stay and chat but I-er-promised my dad I'd eat dinner with him tonight." A quick peck on the cheek for Bruce and she was out the door.

Dick balled his fists in anger, "She's MY age."

"You're starting up with that again?" Bruce paused and went pale, "You do like her . . . ick."

"No . . . no . . . " Robin's ears went scarlet. "I just . . . think it's wrong for someone old enough to be my dad to be marrying a girl my age."

"Well get use to the idea. I'm not arguing with you about this any longer. You can get over your problems and join us at the wedding to celebrate, or you can go hole yourself back in that tower with your friends and your two girlfriends." Bruce said hotly, the idea of Dick liking Barbara made him extremely uncomfortable.

Dick's jaw dropped, "You're kicking me out of your house 'cause I don't think you two getting married is a good idea?"

Bruce gave Dick a look that plainly said, "No you retard," but his words were somewhat kinder, "I'm not that pathetic. I simply meant that if you aren't going to be happy for us then you are not welcome at the wedding, however, you will always be welcome in my home."

Dick walked out of the room with Bruce following. "So are you coming to my wedding or do I need to find someone else to be my best man?"

"Find someone else," Dick spat.

"All right. I take it you're leaving?"

"Yeah, I'll be at the tower if you need me, but please, unless it's an emergency don't call before eight."

"A.M. or P.M.?" Bruce asked.

"Why are you in such a good mood all of the sudden?"

"Because I'm getting married to a beautiful, _young_ lady," Bruce taunted, finding new pleasure in Dick's distaste.

Dick stormed out of the house and flew off on his motorcycle.

"Friend Robin, you have returned." Star squealed as Robin entered the tower.

Robin stormed through the building to his room, glaring at Star on his way. Star shrunk back as though she had been snapped at by an alligator, her eyes filling with tears. "Robin hates me!" she wailed, "Have I grown horns once more? Am I too ugly to be in his presence?"

Raven groaned.

"What'd you say Rae?" Cyborg asked.

Did she really groan loudly enough for Cyborg to hear her over his video games? She'd have to watch that. "I just said I was going to meditate; I'll be on the roof."

Raven walked down the hallway toward the door to the roof. She passed Robin's room and heard a series of loud thuds.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

"Go away."

"Are you all right?"

"GO AWAY!"

"Are you okay?"

Robin sighed, it was no use, Raven wouldn't leave until he talked to her. He opened his door, "I'm fine," and went to close it.

Raven placed her hand in the way, "Are you sure? You look like a wreck."

"What do you mean by that!"

She looked at him; something was different. Raven went to look at his eyes, knowing they'd be covered by his emotionless mask, and found herself gazing into blue eyes. "Your mask!" she gasped. "You aren't wearing your costume."

Robin usually would have laughed, but after his incident with Bruce he just couldn't, "When did you start making jokes?"

"I'm not. I'm serious, your eyes . . . er . . . you aren't wearing your mask, and you look like you're wearing a giant's clothing."

"I never changed out of Bruce's clothes!" he slammed his head into the wall. As soon as he had lifted his head he went pale, Raven stood ready to catch him if he fainted.

"Did I just say-" he cut off and quickly shut the door.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

"Robin, what's going on? You look sick."

"GO AWAY!" Robin leaned against the door. How could he have done that? He thought of all the people who could have seen him, and even worse, he'd said Bruce's name. Raven wasn't stupid, he knew that. It was only a matter of time until she figured it out. Especially since she'd seen his face. He slumped to the floor and threw his head back into the wall. "Stupid, stupid, stupid," he muttered, crashing his head into the wall with each word.

"Robin, I'm not leaving until you answer me."

"Raven, GO AWAY! I'm fine."

"If I leave will you stop your acts of self destruction?"

"Sure, whatever, just leave."

"Okay, I'm leaving."

Robin sighed with relief, he had gotten her to leave. He had been the one to hold out longer this time. Had the circumstances been different he may have even celebrated at the sound of her voice when she surrendered. One thing Robin was grateful for was that Raven wouldn't get her feelings hurt by being sent away. Or would she? After all, she was only trying to help him. Raven didn't show her feelings, hurt and what not, but it didn't mean she didn't have them, and that they didn't get hurt just like anyone else's would. What if inside she was crying? Would she be hurt by it? He had to know.

Boy Wonder rose quickly, making him dizzy. Not letting his quivering vision stall him, he opened the door, squeezing out before it was finished opening. He peered down the hall. A corner of fabric. Raven had just turned the corner, he ran after her, turning the corner-Whack!-he had turned a little too soon.

Robin slumped to he ground, the wall rebounding him like a backboard would a basket ball. He flopped to one side looking down the corridor to see Raven. She hadn't even paused as far as he could tell. If she had heard anything, she probably would have brushed it off as Robin throwing himself around in his room. He had to go after her, but his head was now starting to throb from all of its introductions to solid surfaces.

He forced himself to his feet as fast as he could. THUD! Raven heard a noise, the second that sounded as though it was right behind her. Was Robin really that angry? He had to be stopped, after all, if he continued he might bring the whole tower down, and then they'd have to watch him beat himself up for that too.

Raven turned around to retrace her way back to his room, "What's that?" she thought as she saw what looked like a pile of fabric. It wasn't there when she had come through. Raven approached it cautiously, suspecting it to be a joke that Beast Boy or Cyborg had set up.

"ROBIN!" she cried out. The pile of fabric she had seen was the crumpled form of Robin. She ran to him.

"Ooooh . . . " he moaned, he felt like his heart had moved into his head. Although Robin wanted to lie there in the hall, he had to go after Raven. Once again he rushed to his feet and threw himself down the hall.

WHACK!

Raven's mouth ached. Her neck felt the strain of her head being knocked back. She stumbled backwards from the blow and caught her balance. Robin was on the floor again. After approaching him again, more cautiously this time, she lowered herself to the ground. Counting the seconds, she counted his pulse, which ended up being fairly normal. From what she could see he didn't appear to have any wounds, but as he had fallen face first onto the ground it was rather hard to tell. Raven gently turned him over, finding herself fact to face with a mask-less Robin once more. A glance at his face showed her a goose egg with a dark bruise forming. Horror filled her mind, how could one hit themself in the head hard enough to form that?

What was he doing? Robin was sure it was important, but what? And why did his head hurt so badly? He forced one eye open; he saw purple. He closed his eye and shook his head, and opened his eyes. Purple. He tried to focus, hoping that would help, and a blurry figure began to come into view. Raven. His lips twitched into a small smile.

Whew! Raven released long held breath. Robin's eyes were open, a fairly good sign.

"Raven?" he croaked.

"Yes?" she answered, looking at his blue eyes.

"I'm sor-sorry." He choked out.

She was taken by surprise, "For what?"

He said something but she couldn't make it out. Robin sat up slowly.

"What did you say?" she asked, leaning in to hear him.

"For telling you to get lost. I know you were just trying to help," Robin whispered.

Did the blow she just received alter her hearing, or did Robin really just apologize? "You don't have to-"

"Really, I am. I didn't really want you to leave." What was he saying, this was Raven, not Starfire, she wouldn't take it like that. "Well, uh . . . I mean . . . I just wanted to make sure . . . " Raven's blank stare made him flush, he probably sounded like a babbling idiot.

"Robin, you should get some rest. You look like your head is going to burst." She stood up and extended a hand down to him.

Grasping it, he pulled himself up. "Thanks. Really sweet of you to say that." he said, giving her a grin.

"I contribute to the team what I can," she said grinning back. "Did you know that you STILL aren't wearing your mask?"

Robin slapped his head, 'Ow! Uh-I forgot-better go put it on."

Robin went to his room and shut the door. Entering the bathroom, he caught a look at himself in the mirror. His face had two colors, making him look almost as if he were wearing a light flesh colored masked. "No wonder Raven was staring at me," he thought. He pulled on a mask and returned to his bedroom. The idea of working crossed his mind, but because of a strong pain in his head he decided that some rest might not be such a bad idea.


	7. BUBUM! BUBUM!

BU-BUM! BU-BUM!

Robin's head was killing him. He'd slept all through the night but his headache remained. He turned in his covers to face the wall. "Should I get up?" he wondered. "No. What's the point? The alarm hasn't sounded and if it does . . . well I guess I could get up. Wait, what am I thinking, the team needs me. I mean, sure my godfather is marrying a girl my age but . . . ouch!" Thought hurt too much, way too much.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

He cringed. Each thump made his head pulse twice as much.

"Maybe if I lay here quite they'll go away."

He waited.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

"Robin!"

No not Star! She was so . . . loud.

"Friend Robin, it is time for us to feast on the morning dishes of product of cow and offspring of chicken."

He sat there quietly.

"ROB-"

Star's yell was muffled, and Robin let out a sigh of relief.

Outside his room Raven had both hands firmly over Starfire's mouth. "He's trying to sleep. He wasn't feeling well last night so it would be best if we left him alone." Raven's voice was barely over a whisper.

"If my Robin was not feeling well why did he not tell me."

"Sh! Two things, you do not own him, and he probably didn't want to tell you."

Star was puzzled Was Raven angry? "Why?"

"Maybe because you annoyed him the other day by calling him 5 million times."

"I did not call him 5 million times, I believe it was only three."

Raven let out an exasperated sigh and dragged Star down to the kitchen. "Leave Robin alone until he comes down. When he comes down make sure you speak softly."

"Am I not speaking softly now?" Star asked, her voice echoing off the Grand Canyon.

"If that is speaking softly to you, then perhaps it would be better if you do not speak when he comes down."

Star sat quietly in a corner, waiting for Raven to let her speak. Time passed and Star felt the hours drag by. She had to see Robin. The uninformed alien girl flew up the stairs.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Robin groaned, dragging himself to the door. A quick glance at the clock told him hat only 5 minutes had passes since she was last there. With another groan and super human effort he lugged himself fully in front of the door, blocking the entrance to his room. "What do you want Star?"

"Robin, you have been in bed all day! It is time for you to awaken."

"Uh, Star, I'm awake. Would you-" he paused, his vision narrowing, head spinning.

"Yes, Robin?"

Blood returned to his head, flowing through his veins with the force of a stampeding elephant herd. "Would you go away for a few hours?"

Star's legs gave out and her eyes turned into a water show. "So I was correct!"

Robin groaned, why was Star crying? "Correct about what?"

"You do wish that I left this place," –sob- "Friend Raven said you didn't, but" Star fled.

Boy wonder stood behind his door, he hadn't opened it when Star came as he hoped it would muffle some of her voice and now he couldn't seem to get it open. "How do you do it again?" he asked himself. His head hurt much to badly to be dealing with this right now, but what choice did he have? Realizing he couldn't do anything with his head engulfed in pain, he opened a drawer and took two pills that he'd never let Bruce or the Titans know about.

First thing he had to do was find Star; the team needed her too much to let her leave. Walking towards the kitchen Robin smiled as he felt more and more pain rushing away.

"You're up!" Raven was surprised.

Giving her a cheery smile Robin said, "Good Morning, I thought I should get up at some point today. Have you seen Star? I heard her crying outside my room and figured I better check on her."

"Oh," Raven felt slightly disappointed. She had hopped to talk to him when he got up. "She came through here once but went up to her room when Beast Boy asked her if she had annoyed you into therapy yet."

BB whined, "Yeah, well why don't you tell on yourself? Robin, Raven threw a hamburger patty on me!"

"Well maybe you shouldn't have been so rude to Star, I mean when she's crying it's usually a big hint that Robin's said something to her."

"But isn't it the leaders place to punish team members?"

"Not that you're focused enough to notice but Robin wasn't exactly capable of dealing with anything earlier."

"So that puts you in charge?"

"Somebody's got to take control when he's unavailable."

"STOP!" Robin thought this little argument was humorous at first, but it was getting old. "BB, you deserved the meat throwing. Raven, creative punishment."

KNOCK! KNOCK!

"Star, open up!"

Mimicking Robin, Star replied, "Go away!"

"Star, I didn't mean it like that. I've just had a lot on my mind, I had a bad headache and I needed some sleep. Think of it as Raven when she hasn't meditated."

"So you do not wish me to leave this planet?"

"No Star. I'd like you to stay with the team. I don't know what we'd do without you." Robin shook his head. Something was making him really goofy.

Star opened her door and gave Robin one of her famous bone crushing hugs.


	8. MEEP! MEEP!

Well, before this chapter starts I'd just like to thank all of you who have reviewed. I've read them all and I appreciate you taking the time to let me know your thoughts. I'd reply to them all individually, but right now my time on the internet is exceedingly limited. I've got to go but I hope you enjoy this new chapter of my story. Thanks for reading!

* * *

MEEP! MEEP! (Siren)

Robin's face brightened. After Wayne's announcement this is just what he needed to keep himself from going insane. Nothing took his mind off his problems like a good mindless battle against the forces of evil. I n a flash Robin was on the R-cycle zooming towards whomever was foolish enough to mess with the city Dick Gray-Robin was protecting.

Stopped at a red light Robin realized he had forgotten something, but what was missing? The team! He hadn't even paused to see if they were coming, but they probably were, it was the team after all. But what if they didn't? "Who cares?" he thought, "I feel like I could take on the world right now!" Robin's day seemed to be excellent now; he'd not only saved the team from being torn apart, he'd also escaped from one of Starlight's-Starfire's-hugs without any injury-or pain for that matter-and now he was on his way to save the world.

HONK! HONK!

Robin's thought of self-importance had enveloped him so much he had completely ignored the green light. With a smile and a nasty hand gesture he took off leaving fellow motorists stunned by his actions.

"Oh no!" Robin moaned. It was a burglary! Robbing a jewelry store, how completely boooring! The hero whined silently, he'd dealt with so many of these he thought he'd died. Didn't the police do anything anymore?

"Hello, Robin," a delighted voice said, the sound waves coming through the broken storefront window.

"Get out here you miserable lowlife!" Robin growled. From the chipper voice Robin was afraid that it might be another fan gone criminal in hopes of meeting him.

Emerging from the cover of Hot Rocks Jewelry, a carefully groomed man in a business suit appeared. "I was so hoping it would be you who responded-" he paused straightening a mask covering his eyes, "Oh condemn this wretched thing! How do you keep yours straight?"

Robin was almost speechless; this man was so normal in appearance that Robin didn't see how he could be the criminal he was after. Something wasn't right here. "So you're the lowlife I was sent to bring to jail? If you surrender right now we can skip the whole 'me beating you into a lump' scene and you can keep your suit clean for court."

"Excuse me, but I could have sworn you just called me a lowlife for the second time and that demonstrates a poor vocabulary as well as crude manners. I was certain that the _Great Robin_ would be above that. Perhaps I misunderstood you?"

"No, you heard me just fine. I don't feel that I should waste manners or creative words on foul scumbags like yourself."

"Foul scumbag? Now if that isn't original I don't know what is. Oh well, I didn't really expect you to be above the intelligence of swine, I was just trying to be polite."

"Hey, Trash-bag, zip yer' lip man!" Cyborg called.

Robin turned to look at the team, maybe he'd let them take care of this psychopath, his skills should not be wasted on such trivial things.

"Apparently there is a misunderstanding, however it is not mine, but yours. You see, you believe that I am the scum, when the truth is, that you are, and I will not-"

"What do you mean we are?" shouted BB.

"Yes, are you not the villain?" asked Star.

"Villain? For breaking the window of a store? I hardly feel that makes me a criminal."

"You tried to rob the store! That, you idiot, does make you a criminal." Robin was annoyed with this stupid little human.

"I did not attempt to steal anything I broke the window and everything since then has been an assumption. Stealing jewels does not interest me, you teenage heathens do."

Cyborg objected at this point, "What? I'm not a teenager and don't even insult me be saying I am. They," he pointed at his teammates, "are the teenagers."

"It doesn't matter what your age is, you are still filth. You have been dragging down this city long enough I will put a stop to it."

"Uh, you're the one breakin' stuff," BB said.

"I am not speaking of physical things you ignorant mutant!" their opponent was angering, "I am speaking of the moral degradation you have caused! Have any of you parents? NO! You are all unwanted, mutant creatures who have been cast upon our poor city so that we must now support you."

'Whoa,' Robin thought, 'this guy has totally lost it.'

"What kind of unspeakable evil would abandon their responsibilities? The same kind that would create life before committing their lives to one another, the same kind that would break their vows of love, the kind that don't mow their lawns once a week and the kind that litter on the side of the road. WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING" The titans who had been sniggering along with a crowd that had gathered quickly stopped. "YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY? Of course, you're filth. You are no better than the rats in the sewer. All that I have mentioned-sewer rats included-are the same, and they must all PERISH!" As Mr. Righteous forced out the last word he threw off his suit jacket revealing a magnificent sword strapped on his back and two guns holstered at his waist.

With a quick glance at one another the titans threw themselves into position. "Titans, GO!" Robin gave the usual call, and the team scattered to find their best way of attack.

Star flew at the man and threw a Starbolt. Righteous pulled his sword and reflected it away-towards the crowd! It hit the sidewalk, narrowly missing a group of girls who'd been gazing at Robin.

"What are you doing?" Robin called to the nutcase, "If you want to attack us that's one thing, but they're innocent bystanders!"

"Their loss will be for the good of the world."

"Titans, you disperse the crowd, I'll take care of-" what was his name? "This Mr. Righteous idiot!"

Cyborg laughed, "Mr. Righteous? That's not his name is it?"

Mr. Righteous smiled proudly, "Of course it is! I don't know how you knew, but you are correct."

Raven nearly wretched. Mr. Righteous? Could insane villains get any cheesier?

"Titans, get the crowd out of her," Robin's voice was harsh; the team knew better than to disobey and began clearing the crowd by all necessary means. "All right, Righteous," Robin said, "It's time for you to give yourself up or get your ass nailed to the pavement."

"Give up? To you scum, not likely."

Robin laughed, raised his bo-staff, and the fight began. Punches, kicks, and slashes and blocks from sword and bo-staff flew. Mr. Righteous began to weary, but Robin remained strong. CLANG! Robin's staff knocked the sword from his opponent's hand and pinned him to the ground.

"It's over, Righteous."

"Not quite." Mr. Righteous slipped his hand to his side, quickly pulling his gun and point the barrel in Robin's face. Robin swiftly threw himself to one side, freeing Righteous. As Righteous went to retrieve his sword he began to drone on again, "You kids! Running around all self-righteous. Who are you to say anything about right and wrong, you don't even have parents."

Robin hated these words, but was struggling to feel anger, curse those pills he took. Righteous continued, now advancing towards Robin, "Filthy little runaways like yourselves have no right to even speak to someone like me. I have a mother, a father, and they had theirs, and their, clear back to our earliest traceable ancestors. HA! Not a better family in the world. Personally I'm married with three children, all well adjusted, law abiding, A+ students. Show me a better family than mine, loving parents in all generations, no divorces, no deaths when children were young, a perfect family . . . "

This therapist dream patient droned on, but Robin found it hard to concentrate, he was beginning to feel stabbing pains in his head. The pills couldn't be wearing off already, could they? So much for the 24 hours they promised. Robin removed another pill from his belt and swallowed it, perhaps it wasn't very save, but this villain was more dangerous than he looked.

THUD!

"Robin, please wake up!"

Raven was talking to him, she sounded upset. He opened his eyes, "What happened? Why am I on the ground? Is the fight over?"

"I'm not sure what happened exactly, just that I saw you look up and Righteous hit you over the head with the hilt of his sword, knocking you out."

"That's odd, my head doesn't hurt at all."

Raven's face went pale-for her-and her eyes watered slightly. "Robin, maybe you should just-well, just lay here until the fight is over."

Robin sat up, "No, I'm fine, really-please don't cry. I'm fine."

"So the leader lives! Oh how clear it is that you have no parents. I mean what father would let his son leave the house in a shirt and tights?"

"Shut up!" All the anger Robin wanted to feel earlier was there. One pill, not two, was the answer to painless but normal function. Robin jumped, raised his bo-staff, and rapped Righteous firmly on the head. Righteous slumped to the ground, barely conscious.

RING! RING!

A cell phone on Mr.'s person rang. Robin retrieved it, an incoming call from "Sweetie". "Hello," Robin said cheerily.

"Shut up you cheery little moron! I've had all I can take of your perfect family nonsense. I'm leaving and taking the children to get the therapy they need. You'll be hearing from my lawyer!"

"Bad news," said Robin, smiling as he hung up the phone, "Your wife is divorcing you and taking the kids."

Mr. Righteous looked at Robin, praying it was a joke, but with the hero's smile that big, it had to be true. As his body went limp with unconsciousness, the Titan's cheered and went back to the tower to celebrate.


	9. SIZZLE! POP!

SIZZLE! POP!

The nostrils of an almost adult superhero captured the scent of bacon frying to meaty perfection.

DING!

His mouth salivated as his gloved hand raised the lid, revealing two perfectly cooked eggs. A quick stir of the shredded potatoes and the meal was complete.

Robin raised a bite of eggs to his mouth. The taste was as excellent as the appearance; a bite of bacon displayed the same greatness. He was undoubtedly a superb cook. Just one last thing to taste – potatoes. Secretly he favored them, but he'd never let the Titans know, especially as Cyborg judged ones manhood on the amount of meat they consumed. Robin placed the potatoes in his mouth. "Damn!" he cursed softly. "After six years of practice they still don't taste right. How do you do it, Alfred?"

"Who's Alfred?" a monotone voice asked.

"Uh, erm-" Robin stammered.

"And while we're on the subject of people you've mentioned; who's Bruce?"

"Raven, what in the world are you doing up at this time?"

"Praying to the God of Wisdom for the ability to understand you. Why are you up?"

"What?" Since when did Raven pray to the Gods? "Oh. You're being sarcastic . . . uh, I was just making a bed-time snack."

"Aren't you a bit old for bed-time snacks? What next, am I going to find Star tucking you in at night?"

"Funny, Raven. Now really, why are you up? Three is hardly a decent time to be doing anything."

"I needed a bed-time snack."

"Aren't you too old? Do I need to go tuck you in afterwards?" Robin prepared himself for the worst; teasing Raven could result in anything from a roll of the eyes to a rap on the head with an object in a dark aura.

Nothing.

Glancing at Raven, he saw her preparing toast with a slight smile on her face. Against his will, his muscles relaxed; she was so pretty when she smiled.

Raven began boiling some water, as her toast became toasty. "What did you think of that criminal today?" A pitiful conversation starter, but what was there to say?

"Not much." He said, taking a break from forcing down his potatoes.

Positive that he was not really listening, Raven splurted the oddest thing that came to mind. "So, Bruce and Alfred are your boyfriends, eh? Are they cute?"

"WHAT!" He shouted, spraying food everywhere, Robin was confused, a state he wasn't accustomed to dealing with. He didn't know where she was coming from, and he wasn't sure that he wanted to know.

Raven almost laughed. Almost. "Thanks for the food. I know I said I wanted a snack but I had it covered."

While he knew he should apologized for splattering Raven with food, he just didn't feel like it, he was stunned. "You think I'm g-g-gay?"

"No need to say you're sorry. This food should wash out." Well, he was definitely listening. "Of course I don't think you're gay, I just didn't think that you were paying attention."

"When have I ever ignored one of my friends? I may not respond if I'm busy but I usually listen."

Raven could think of several times when he'd ignored them. She and Cyborg had a contest going to see who could get him to agree to the most outrageous thing, so far it was Cyborg. Robin had admitted, unknowingly, that he had a fetish for stealing BB's underwear. "It's just not like you to skip an opportunity to analyze our latest criminal. What's on your mind?"

"Nothing, why would you think there was?"

She rolled her eyes, hadn't she just given him the reason? "Hmm, oh, I don't know, let's think about it." She gave a fake look of pretending to think. "Over the past couple of days we woke up to you yelling, you ran out of the tower hardly pausing to insult Beast Boy's weak bladder, you apologized on command, and mentioned a wedding. Robin, you turned up WITHOUT a mask and in giant sized clothes that you said belonged to a Bruce. You hit your head until you couldn't see straight and collapsed-oh, and how could I forget, less than 24 hours ago you were still in pain, until you suddenly seemed to feel no pain at all and you were unnaturally happy. Ah, and you were knocked out and felt no pain, then muttered something about Alfred's potatoes just a few minutes ago."

"Well, you see-I, uh-"

"Come on, Robin. What drug did you take?"

Should he confess? No, the last the he needed right now was the team to think he was a druggy on top of everything else. "Raven, it was just a headache, after two Tylenol I was fine."

"Just a headache? Oh good!" Did he really think she was that stupid? "I thought it was something a bit worse when I saw your bruise, er, face.

He had a bruise? Probably from Wayne's stupid granite countertop . . . stupid jerk. "Well, let me be the first to tell you, if you exert enough force on a person's body blood vessels will burst and a bruise will form. It doesn't mean that I've sustained brain damage just because I've got a bruise.

"Just because you haven't sustained brain damage, YET, doesn't mean that you aren't hurt."

Her tone was taking a hint of concern; maybe he should say something to reassure her. "Honestly, Raven, if I were hurt, like bad hurt, I'd make sure you didn't find out."

"You mean you'd try to make me believe that you were okay?"

"Uh, something like that."

"Like you're doing now?"

"Yeah, NO! —Erm . . . Raven, really, I'm fine. I hit my head, that's all."

"Really is just a modifier people use to reassure themselves."

Robin's eyes glazed over, thinking about Raven's comment required all the strength he had in his body.

"Robin, what is going on?"

"You see, my boyfriend, Bruce, cheated on me with my ex, Alfred, and now they're forcing me to witness their union and share potatoes of happiness with them."

Raven froze, was this Robin or Starfire? "Did you sell your brain to our Tameranian friend, or was that supposed to be a joke?"

"A joke, didn't you catch the hint of sarcasm."

"Oh, so you were intending to be hurtful, well that's a sweet thought."

"GAH, do you have to take words so literally. Don't be stupid! You're the one who thought they were my boyfriends."

"Didn't you catch the sarcasm, or am I too stupid to pull it off?"

"Who said you were stupid?"

"Let's think about that for a second. YOU!"

"I did not! I told you not to BE stupid, not you ARE stupid."

"Oh, yeah, big difference, the meaning's the same."

"Is not!"

Raven peered at Robin for a bit. "You're delusional."

"Delusional? You think I'm delusional? Well, you're being irrational."

"You're being psychotic."

"You're on drugs."

"No, that's you. Do you realize how childish this is?"

"You started it!" Robin pouted.

She rolled her eyes, "I rest my case."

Robin's jaw dropped, Raven was being so irrational. "You know I'd expect this annoying invasion of my privacy from Star, but honestly, I expected you, of all people, to give me a little space."

"Are you comparing me to Star?"

"Yeah. You know, I can stand her poking into my life, but for some reason it just doesn't work with you."

Feeling hurt, Raven turned to leave, "Well I'm sorry I'm so appalling. If I could I'd drop my IQ 60 points and take the unnatural cheerleader attitude of our alien friend so that you could stand to be near me, but, unfortunately, I can't."

"Star is not that stupid."

With a "Good-bye, Robin" Raven left the tower.

Raven just left. He made Raven leave. Robin made Raven feel so bad that she'd left the tower. 'What did I do?' Robin pushed back from the table and brought his head crashing down towards it again.


	10. CLINK! CLINK!

_It's been a while since I've written anything for this story, so please forgive me for any discrepancies you might find. Enjoy ;)_

* * *

CLINK! CLINK!

"Ugh!"

CLINK! CLINK!

'Knock it off!'

CLINK! CLINK!

Robin moaned again, what was that noise?

Thud, thud, thud.

Someone was walking toward him.

Thud, thud, thud.

His head was lifted from the table.

Swish, swish.

Whack-swoosh-BAM!

Robin's head was released, hit a freshly washed table, and slid off, throwing him out of his chair onto the floor. "What the #$?"

Staring down at him, horrified, Star began to tremble. "Oh, I am so sorry friend Robin, I did not mean to wake you. My wish was only to clean up the kitchen," her voice barely above a whisper.

'What's she so nervous about?' he wondered as he stood up. "Star, if you didn't want to wake me, you should have been more quiet."

Immediately the creature known as Star dropped to her knees and began groveling, "Please forgive me, Robin, I am ever so sorry, please do not throw me out of the tower for disturbing you, as you did to Raven."

Though his head was still pounding, he managed to interpret Star's message, deriving from its core an accusation. "What? You think I threw her out?" Movement to the left caught his eye, and for the first time he saw Cyborg and Bladder-less Boy sitting at the table, nodding their head 'yes', as though they were afraid to speak in front of Robin.

'Oh boy,' Boy Wonder thought to himself, 'they think I'm off my rocker - off my rocker? I have gone crazy.' He'd spent long enough running off after Bruce trying to knock the old duffer back to his senses, it was time for Robin to let his team know that he wasn't as mental as he seemed.

After he took a deep breath and put on his 'I'm the boss face', he began, "Now, I know I've been a little distracted-" Beast Boy scoffed, distracted wasn't the word he'd use, but then again, Beast Boy wouldn't have used a word, he'd use and animal sound."-but I'm back on track. Now I may be in and out of the tower for the next few weeks, so Cyborg, you're in charge. I want you to do everything like you were me. Got it?"

Skeptically Cyborg nodded, "But I draw the line at thrashing my head in frustration."

"All right, if Cyborg's occupied, Raven's in charge. You guys got it?"

"Du-dude" Beast Boy stammeringly put forth, "You kicked her outta the tower, she's . . . she's gone dude. I mean, her room's empty."

A nod from Starfire affirmed Beast Boy's statement. "It looks as though no one lives in there."

"I DID NOT KICK HER OUT," Robin bellowed, then, quieting himself, he said, "Besides, her room never looks like someone lives there, and it's always clean so it usually appears empty, 'cause nothing's out."

"But, friend Robin," Star ventured cautiously, still afraid of what Robin might do, "Even her black curtains of despair are gone, the glorious sunshine is blazing through the windows!"

His heart skipped a beat. What had he done? Did he throw her out without remembering? While he couldn't believe he'd done it, and that she'd comply when she knew he was delusional and drugged, he had to be sure. Robin raced up the stairs to Raven's room, threw open the door and walked into complete darkness. Puzzled, he turned to leave, but the door was closed. Chills ran down his spine as he turned around and around looking for something, anything. Star said the room was lighted-What was that? A noise of some sort carried through the eerie silence. From somewhere in the darkness two violet eyes popped open and stared at him. "AIEEE! Oh, Raven whew!"

"Talk about an invasion of privacy. You know, at least I never thrashed into your room while you were resting."

Though it was hard to tell, Robin was sure her voice was colder than normal. "Rae, about last night, I'm sorry."

"What did you do last night? Did you break something of mine?"

"Uh . . ." Whoa, and Rae thought he was losing his mind, "last night, when I told you that you were on drugs and I-um-called you stupid and irrational."

"Boy Wonder, that wasn't last night, but oookay-hold up! Whoa! Did you apologize?" The violet eyes widened in shock.

"Oh, get off it, I apologize all the time."

"To Star, sure. Not to me or the others."

"I'm SORRY OKAY! Just accept it and move on."

"Okay, okay, . . . oh, urm, uh, thanks for saying it."

"Okay, while we're on this subject, what did you mean by, 'it wasn't last night'?"

"Nothing cryptic, oh great and fearful leader. Simply that, you were out cold when I got back, you know, after I left, and I've been up here meditating ever since, so that means it's been," she check her clock, "fifty-two hours since you told me I was too stupid, yet not dense enough."

"But-"

"Face it, Druggie, you're losing time, a sign of a serious problem."

"I didn't lose time, I woke up exactly where I passed out, and I'm NOT a druggie!" Robin had come all this way to apologize and she called him a druggie!

Raven's haunting violet eyes floated across the room, followed by a rectangle of light blinding him. "Walk towards the light, Robin," Raven's monotonous voice rang out, "it loves you and wants you to be happy."

Robin hesitated, then, as he wouldn't not move himself, he was escorted into the hall by a dark aura. Trudging down the hall, half-wishing he really had thrown Raven out, the masked man-boy crashed into three superheroes about his own age.

Tears welling in her eyes, Starfire pointed into a room. "SEE!" she wailed, "Raven's room is no more!"

"What are you talking about?" Robin stared incredulously at her, "This isn't Raven's Room."

Cyborg made a CUCKOOOO! motion behind Robin, then firmly grasped his shoulder rotating him in the direction of each Titan's room. "Okay, that's my room down there, me, Cyborg." The words came out slowly, as though Robin was retarded. "That's your room way down there. That's Beast Boy's pen, that's Starfire's landing dock, leaving this room, Raven's."

Not sure what to react to firs, Robin went over all the things Cyborg should be battered for: manhandling his master, treating his master like a moron, and just being plain stupid and ugly. Manhandling was definitely first. In one swift motion Robin had launched his cybortronic friend down the hall. "So, that's my room down there? Hmm, I never knew. What I don't know, is how you can all pretend to be soooo stupid. Don't you guys remember, Raven moved into that room over there." He waved his hand toward a rather general, all-inclusive area.

"Oh, gee, that tells us a lot, Robin. You coulda kicked her out and that'd be true." Beast Boy rolled his shallow green eyes.

After a quick glance around, Cyborg inhaled sharply. "Nuh-uh! Oh no you didn't! You have that manipulative little half-demon the guest room, didn't you?"

"Don't talk about her like that!" Robin said defensively.

"You did! AAAAHHHHHHHH!"

"I didn't say that, but, yeah, I gave Rae the old guest room. Her old room in now the guest room."

"Dude!" Cyborg tried to pull his hair in frustration, but failed. "I asked you if I could have that room a year ago and you said you'd think about it."

"Yeah, I thought about it, then Rae asked for it. She had a much better reason for getting it, so she got it."

"Dude, it's the only room besides yours with a private bathroom. What reason did she give you? Was it a reason at all? Or was it an exchange, guest bedroom for a date? You disgust me!"

"I disgust you? You're the one coming up with this stuff . . .Pervert."

"Well, what was the reason then?"

"She was going to crush the R-cycle if I didn't."

"GAAAAH-FBBBBT-PSHT!" Cyborg sputtered.

Using the freezing and sputtering of Cyborg's CPU as an opportunity to cut off the argument, Robin turned and left the tower.

* * *

_On the way to Wayne Manor_

It was time to lay down a plan, but first, a devilishly clever operation name.

Wilson!

That was it. Sure, Wedding Crashers had a different method of wrecking havoc on nuptials, but that's what made the code name so perfect.

So, here's how it would go down: As Bruce was a business man, Robin would take a business approach. He'd make a power point presentation showing all the things from that ancient day Bruce was born, and compare them with the things form the glorious year of Barbara's birth. As a semi-logical man, Bruce would have to see it, the technology and the hardware, the basic necessities of life, they weren't even compatible.

* * *

Pulling into the driveway, Bruce noticed the entire house was dark. Slightly suspicious, Wayne checked for booby traps and ambushes as he made his way through the front door. Nothing. What could be going on? A faint glow emanated from a room at the end of one wing of the house and not knowing what else to do or having anything else to go on, he walked toward it, anxious to determine the suspicious state of his home. He'd only gone a few steps when he heard a desperate wheezing. Greatly concerned for his butler, he hastened his pace, causing a collision between himself and the figure of an old man.

"Alfred," Wane cried dropping to his knees. His oldest friend was shaking and wheezing.

"Br-br-bruce, help me up."

In one swift motion, Bruce and Alfred were on their feet. "Are you all right?"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! Just f-f-fine!"

A light bulb lit inside Wayne's mind. "Are you laughing?"

Alfred took a few deep breaths, "Master Dick, has the most-heeeheeehee-ridiculous thing-HAHAHA-to show you, in the theatre room." The old timer then collapsed on the floor, giggling like a toddler.

Releasing a sigh of relief, Bruce walked confidently the rest of the way to the glowing room.

"AH! Bruce, the man I've been waiting for!"

"What did you do to Alfred? He can scarcely breathe for laughing."

"No idea." Richard replied cheerfully. "I put together this slide show for you and he agreed to look over it for me. While I thought it was quite effective he seemed to find it humorous. Perhaps he saw my point and thought it was ridiculous that this-this-this charade has gone on so long."

"Okay, Dick. Astound me. What's this slide show about?"

"The slide show depicts how much change the world can go through between two generations."

"Eyebrow raising. Proceed then."

**When Bruce Wayne was born**

_birth announcements were hand written with a quill and inkwell._

**When Barbara Gordon was born**

_birth announcements were sent via email & text message._

**When Bruce Wayne was born**

_women couldn't vote._

**When Barbara Gordon was born**

_women ran the world._

**When Bruce Wayne attended school**

_children did homework on slates._

**When Barbara Gordon attended school**

_children did their homework on computers and emailed it to teachers._

And so it went, for over an hour.

"Well, despite your slight exaggerations, I found that slide show to be quite . . . interesting," Bruce managed to say before he collapsed laughing.

Angrily, Robin demanded, "What's so damn funny?"

"Oh, well, I just don't think you could have done anything more ridiculous. You know, I'm starting to think all this protesting is just your demented idea of a joke."

"A joke, you think I'm joking? Didn't you see the slide show!" Robin clicked through a few slides. "Your older than dirt compared to her! You-old-crusty. Her-young-sweet. Don't you see it? You're like old technology! Just plain incompatible with the newer model."

"Oh, I assure you, we'll be perfectly compatible."

"EW! EW! Foul, gross, ew!"

"Okay, I'll admit you have a point."

Robin blinked stupidly, absorbing the words which Wayne had spoken. "I-I'm right?"

"No," Wayne said flatly, "but you have a point. A lot changes over time. To show you I believe it, I'll give you an example. You're a car guy right?"

Robin nodded.

"Well, according to a newspaper article about a year ago, I know you couldn't read then because you're sooo much younger than me so try to trust me on this, the average car from the 1950's goes up in price about 25 a year. You see, value and desirability go up with age. Why do you think there are antique stores? I guarantee you that Barbara wouldn't wear the diamond I gave her if it were still coal, but it's been refined with age, so it's worth something.

Robin chuckled, "Yeah, Bruce, you're like coal. In a million years, you just might be worth something."

"Well, by what you had on your slide show, I'm half way there, but you, you aggravating little cuss, barely began exiting puberty, so by any standard you have a long way to go before you're worth shit. Now, would you mind leaving before Barbara shows up?"

"What, afraid a worthless, pubescentboy will steal your wife?"

"Oh, yeah," Bruce murmured sarcastically, "terrified."

"Excuse me, sirs," Alfred's old voice interrupted. "Ms. Gordon is here." The old man glanced at Robin, then left chuckling.

"Bruce!" Barbara called, running to her fiancé. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him gently.

Beside Bruce, Robin began feeling rather uncomfortable. He took one step back, then another, and another.

"Dick! Good to see you. Last time you were here you didn't seem to feel so great, how've you been?" Barbara was perfectly cheerful. She'd just kissed a creepy, crusty, old man and she was smiling. What had Bruce done to her?

"You're not really going to marry him, are you?"

"What?" Oops, he made the smile turn into an angry scowl.

"Wayne, you aren't really gonna marry him. It just a show, a game, right?"

"No, Dick. We're not getting married." Robin sighed with relief, until Babs continued, "I just go around announcing random marriages, kissing various acquaintances, sl-well, I'll assume you get the point."

Robin's mask-less eye nearly popped from his skull. "You-what?" Reddening, Robin fled Wayne Manor.


End file.
